The food blog "Food On Drunk" last week crowned the Joel Robuchon Pen from L’Atelier, “Best Restaurant Writing Instrument.” The Joel Robuchon Pen (JRP) narrowly defeated finalists from Thomas Keller’s Ad Hoc in Yountville, and Eric Ripert’s Le Bernadin in Manhattan. We caught up with the Joel Robuchon Pen shortly after the announcement.
REPORTER (on scene): Wow. What a victory Joel. How does it feel?
REPORTER: Well, as you can see, there’s quite a celebration going on down here. Joel, if we could just have a moment?
REPORTER: It’s total chaos here at the victory celebration. It would appear JRP is showering himself in Heidsieck Cuvee (see below), which, as everyone knows, is one of the most expensive bottles of champagne in the world. Two thousand bottles were recovered in 1998 from the Jönköping, a Swedish freighter shipwrecked off the coast of Finland. The Jönköping was delivering spirits to the Imperial Court of Tsar Nicholas II of Russia during WW1 when it was torpedoed by a German submarine. The 2,000 bottles on board survived for 82 years in the frigid waters and is now one of the most expensive bottles of champagne in the world. This is a very extravagant celebration to say the least, although it looks like JRP spelled it—oh, it looks like Joel is stepping this way? Joel? Joel, congratulations. After all these years of just signing the bill, it must be an amazing feeling to have won this award.
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REPORTER: Well there you have it. The Joel Robuchon Pen sends thank yous to Li’l Baby Jesus and to, of course, Joel Robuchon himself. Which he appears to have misspelled amid the excitement and celebration which continues here. Next JRP will be heading home to Paris where he will be honored in a ticker tape parade. Thousands are expected to line the streets of Paris in JRP’s honor.
REPORTER: Ah yes, there he is, JRP, voted the "Best Restaurant Writing Instrument" in the world enjoying a ticker tape parade with fireworks down the Champs Elysees, which is indicated by a crude rendition of the Eiffel Tower in the background. JRP is riding in the back of a limousine cobbled together with parts from Peugot, Citroen, and Renault, which is being driven by an ornery French driver who is, of course, smoking a cigarette.
REPORTER: This just in. JRP has allegedly given himself a three Michelin star rating at the altar in Notre Dame Cathedral. At this time we do not know if this is even legal. It’s certainly unprecedented—we have footage?
REPORTER: Yes, we have footage and as you can see the Joel Robuchon Pen has indeed given himself three Michelin Stars. “Three stars pour moi,” he says. From what we’re gathering from Michelin sources, they only give stars out as a rating device for restaurants. The Michelin spokesperson says they have never rated restaurant pens before. The spokesperson said they currently have no plans to rate restaurant writing instruments, but they’re not ruling out the possibility in the future. In which case the Joel Robuchon Pen would be the first writing instrument in the world to receive a three Michelin Star rating.
REPORTER: There are new developments in the Joel Robuchon Pen fiasco. We’re learning now that the pen from Eric Ripert’s Le Bernadin restaurant has defaced the JRP three star rating. This is indeed a strange twist to an already bizarre story. We'll bring you the complete story at 11.