Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Vegas Part Three: Casino Carpets

This might be my least favorite because it kind of looks like what I imagine AIDS looks like inside your body. Thus it's a complete success.

Tania calls them “zombie kids.” She was one of them. They’re not allowed on the casino floor proper, so they just kind of wander around the fringes in a dazed stupor, unsupervised, while their parents waste their college fund at the craps table. They’re an inconspicuous fixture in the shadows at the edges of every casino, just like the half filled drinks you find in the ashtrays at the exits. I’m not sure why Tania loves Vegas with the memories she has. Alone, wandering around, knee high, sober but sleepless, lights out… But she still laughs her ass off at the zombie kids we see in every casino. Tania has certainly taught me how to enjoy their sad little existence.

And I can’t help but imagine that one of my favorite elements in every casino, the carpets, has something to do with the stupor the zombie children are in. Staring at that shit for too long has got to have some sort of negative psychological effect, right? In fact I’ve heard that the reason casino carpet is so ghastly and crazy is so you don’t look down. I guess if you’re looking down, you’re not seeing all the possible ways you can lose money? Sneaky devils. I, on the other hand, spend a lot of time looking at the floor. “Who designs this shit?” I always wonder. It’s marvelous. Technicolor barf. Diarrhea of design. I get kind of high off it. It makes me dizzy. That’s why I think it has to have at least some effect on the zombie kids? It can’t be good for you.

Anyway, over the years, I’ve enjoyed taking photos of the crazy designs (or lack thereof) that cover the floors of every casino. Don’t ask me what hotels these carpets are from. As you can imagine, taking pictures of this shit kind of fucks you up. Being a casino carpet photographer is even more dangerous than being a captive wildlife photographer. More on that later. Check out this gallery of spew.

For some reason all I hear is Robert Palmer.

Whoa someone broke the Mondrian and then left it out in the rain.

Ooga booga! I'm in a pot of boiling water in the jungle and the cannibals are going to eat me! Don't look down!

Aside from the blindingly bright red color, this one you can almost look at. Which makes it a failure in the world of casino carpet design.

Did Thomas Campbell do this one?

More AIDS, exploding eggs, farting kiwis, glowing sea slugs, blue pubic hair—this one gets a fuckin' A+.

Shakey's pizza parlor? And what's with the attempt at "order" and "shapes" and shit?


Max Macias said...

Radical Dave. This is Max from team Ganja--I've admired your professional work for a long time. I love the blog!

Hit me up sometime!

Unknown said...

fun facts!: casino carpet (and movie theater carpet, and arcade carpet, and some restaurant carpets = ew!) is really made to be obnoxious to camouflage stains. the fact that it is an incentive to avert your eyes upward, and lose your place within a dark casino is all just gravy.

this dude's pretty obsessed with carpets too: http://www.dieiscast.com/?s=carpets

kool-aide-mustache said...

This theory on the carpet negatively children answers some questions for me and my own childhood. To date, I have no fucking idea why, but my parents put in the most hideous patterned carpet in my bedroom as a kid. Very restaurant or casino style. I hated it. And I mean hated it. So fucking ugly. Perhaps I would have been a better adjusted child had I slept above a neutral or calming color of carpet. Not this circus mess that I had to stare at throughout my teens. My folks should be fortunate that I’m not a serial killer having had that much exposure to that awful vomit of color. Ya know, now that I think back on it, it’s still there!!!! Yes, the ONLY room in my parent’s house that my mother did not redo. Hell some rooms were redone floor to ceiling three times now, but nope, my casino carpet is still there. Maybe it’s collectable now. Well guys, I’m sending it to you when/if my mom finally pulls the trigger on trying to update my old room. How the fuck did I ever get any poon in that room is beyond me.

I will attest to the fact that this carpet hides stains etc. very well. As unfortunate as it may be, my first pet, Pinky the goldfish committed suicide. Due to my gross neglect as a caregiver he could no longer take it and eventually hucked himself out of the bowl. The water was murky and the poor fish wasn’t visible for weeks, but I kept feeding him. I was confident he was still in there swimming about until his carpet camouflaged corpse was discovered weeks later. Had that carpet not masked him so well for weeks, there may have been hope for me to revive him. RIP Pinky.

Brad said...

It's seems a little pointless to put in carpet that hides stains but also makes you puke. Eventually there's gonna be enough hurl to show through. Though it'll probably make the carpet look better, and prevent more puking. Damn, I just Catch 22'd my own Catch 22.

kool-aide-mustache said...

this just in...I just spoke with my mother about the horrid carpet in my bedroom and she revealed that it was a leftover scrap from an install at a Pancake house. Holy flapjacks!

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