
That’s the title of the century. I said that when we were hanging out with Team Awesome in the lazy river and a black lady in a tube crashed into the dude bag. I was like, “Whoa, a wildly careening black woman took out a gaggle of douche pickles.”
“That should be the title of a book, or a poem, or something,” she said laughing. Instead it’s the title of a drunk food blog.
In an effort to avoid dude bags and wildly careening black women, we chose one of the MGM’s other pools to hang out in on day two. What we found was the white dude/foreigner pool. No dude bags, mostly old folks and extremely pale English people. Even the soundtrack was different: butt rock and other white people favorites. The blackest the music got was Vanilla Ice. So what’s that, like, what? an “off-white?” (Fun fact: Tania knows all the lyrics to “Ice Ice Baby.”) Oh and there was some Terrence Trent D’Arby and Lennie Kravitz, but they're about as black as Condeleeza Rice.

Our neighbors were a middle age couple who were very hungover. They let everyone who dropped by to see them know. “How you feeling this morning?” “Oh man, last night was a TRAIN WRECK!” I don’t know how many times I heard her talk about the previous night’s TRAIN WRECK. “I WAS A TRAIN WRECK!” Little did we know, there was going to be a real train wreck a week later.

We drowned her out by doing underwater handstands. As I mentioned before, Tania loves underwater handstands. She is a black belt champion underwater handstander. I used to be good at it when I was a kid, I could do the most tweaked inverts in a pool, but since I dislocated my shoulder over ten years ago, that fun came to an end. It’s been almost a year since my shoulder surgery, so I decided to take this opportunity and test out my shoulder. It works! Although my underwater handstands are horrible. Every time I’d come up for air, I was met with Tania’s laughter. Tania wins at underwater handstands.

All those handstands worked up quite an appetite, so we got lunch to go from Tom Colicchio’s (the bald guy on Top Chef) “’Wich Craft.” It’s a little sandwich place with a clever name. It’s good. We got it two days in a row and ate it by the pool. We ordered a total of three sandwiches: skirt steak and egg, pulled pork, and prosciutto and butter. While I appreciated the simplicity of the sandwiches, I think each needed a little something more. A remoulade, or a mayonnaise something? Still, they were delicious. I think I enjoyed the prosciutto the most. It was just meat, butter, and bread. Half of that one also survived a night and was a welcome hangover remedy in the room the next morning. “I WAS A TRAIN WRECK LAST NIGHT!” It’s a cliché, but the simplest comfort food is always the most deeply satisfying. Colicchio definitely has the simple down at ‘Wich Craft. No more Subways, no more Quizno’s, no more TOGO’s, I want a ‘Wich Craft by my work.
Tania wins at handstand Olympics, I win at titles, and Colicchio wins at sandwiches. From simple to crazy, we’re going to Joel Rubochon’s L’Atelier next.


4 comments:
is that your foot in the first picture? Because that looks like a lady's foot. Do you secretly have girl feet?
yes, that is indeed my foot. lord knows i wish i had a lady's foot. i don't know what kind of "ladies" you've been hanging out with, though, because i have two, size twelve, fungus ridden, hunks of shit at the end of my legs. are you dating female sasquatches, brad?
You know how they can do that disappearing into the mist thing? Imagine that in bed. Yeah, that's why I get down with the Yetis.
my granny used to make every sandwich with butter and it wasn't until years later i realized why her tuna, ham, or turkey sandwiches were so lovable. No prosciutto in central texas in those days too many krauts smoking meats there. but here in brooklyn i plan to order it the next stumble into an italian deli.
i gotta go buy some butter.
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