Monday, August 25, 2008

Tania's Taco Testing In The Nickel (pt. 2)

Taco shacks don't give a fuck about correct spelling.
-Taco Testing In the Nickel attempt #3:

Some no name taco joint on the corner of 5th and Broadway.

It’s not a sit-down type place, it’s a good little taco shack were gardeners and janitors get their lunches on the go. Tacos aren’t allowed to be more than $1.25 each. And I’m pretty sure that they weren’t. There was no beer, but they did have a good alternative: Coca Cola in a glass bottle from Mexico. I love that stuff.

1. Dave went and picked up the food, so I didn’t get to judge the ambience of the establishment. I’m pretty sure it was just a one-room shack with a couple of tables that you can stand over while you eat. There may have been some white people in there, but that’s respectable because the menu was handwritten in Spanish on a day-glo piece of construction paper. That’s a big plus in their favor and an even bigger plus for the white folks brave enough to order food and hang out in there.

2. Four average carne asada tacos were brought up to the office in a styrofoam container. There were limes and radishes in the container, as there should always be. On the whole, it was acceptable.

3. Their red salsa was really good. I’m not judging the green salsa because green salsa is disgusting. If you like licking pennies, then more power to you, but I’m not gonna lick pennies all day just to tell you which one tasted a little less like a penny and more like a vegetable.

4. I feel obligated to mention that the people who ordered bean and cheese burritos were disappointed that there were only beans and cheese in it. That’s what a bean and cheese burrito is, dude. If you want rice, you order a beans, rice and cheese burrito (a BRC where I come from). If you want veggies, tell them what you want, or order a vegetarian burrito. If you order a vegetarian burrito at a real Mexican taco shack, however, prepare to get laughed at because that shit’s so lame that you may as well just ask to lick the taco man’s asshole. Everything in a Mexican restaurant is covered in lard.Even the tortillas in most places are made with some sort of animal fat. If you want to avoid that then buy a loaf of bread and suck on it because there’s no way to be vegan/veggie in a serious Mexican taco shack. That goes double for Chinese fast food, but that’s a different post altogether.

5. The burrito thing is not affecting the overall grade of the restaurant. I just needed to clear the air.

6. Overall, the food was decent and good for the money. I’d go there again.

Grade: B

FUN FACT: Dave and I ended up getting a carne asada burrito and a Coke in a glass bottle from this place and splitting it just about every other day.

-On a semi related note, how come the only place to get some decent carne asada fries in Southern California is Roberto’s? Has no one else caught on to their fantastic gastronomic delight? Just thinking about them makes me want to drive to Orange County or Ontario to feast on their greasy goodness. If you can recommend a place to get some good ones I will buy you an Orange Bang because those two things combined are the way of the future. There, I said it. -Taco Testing In the Nickel is back!

We went to another no-name taco joint on Fifth Street. Basically it was a little room with a few places to set a plate down if you were to actually try and eat inside. There were a couple of people in there and, with the addition of Dave and I, it was packed. Menus were painted on the wall or written on a piece of paper and taped to the wall. No one ordered anything off of the menu, you had to be “in the know” and order shit right. I respect that.

1. Only one person in the whole place spoke English.

2. There was an extensive breakfast menu.

3. Their al pastor looked really good, but I am bound to eat only carne asada until I’ve stuffed myself with grilled meat from every establishment in our neighborhood.

4. Their carne asada had a “mystery meat” quality to it.

5. Their red sauce was really hot, but kind of metallic. Yuck.

6. The tortilla fell apart and all the meat and salsa went everywhere.

7. The Health Department gave that place a B. They were being generous.

8. The only fair-skinned guy in the whole joint tried to warn me about the salsa. “It’s really hot. Ahur ahur ahur!” Duh, it’s salsa, asshat.

Grade: C-

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