Friday, November 21, 2008


I eat some weird shit. I eat lots of weird shit, in fact. Especially after a long night of drinking. You should see my plate when I go to a buffet. Every time Dave and I go to Shakey’s for hangover pizza, I do my best to gross him out with my strange food arrangement from the lunch bar.

How am I not supposed to put together an awesome plate? Chicken noodle soup, mojo potatoes, mystery meat smothered in BBQ sauce, and eggrolls. COME ON.

I like to pair ambrosia salad with fried chicken, spaghetti with mashed potatoes and gravy, tacos and potato salad, etc. It’s awesome. Though I do enjoy some weird food combinations, I don’t actually mix the mashed potatoes and spaghetti together. They’re just on the same plate and it looks funny. I don’t give a fuck though, I love food and I really like tasting everything I see (I can make my own fat jokes, thanks) so buffets are the greatest thing to me. There’s a sushi buffet near our house that makes me all tingly when I drive by (They have hard boiled quail eggs and itty bitty, teeny weeny desserts. I don’t know why, but miniature food is so delightful). And when I go to Vegas I’m in heaven. HEAVEN. There aren’t enough buffets that offer Thai, Mexican, Italian, French, and Southern cuisine served up next to some prime rib and a slice of ham you wouldn’t believe for less then eight bucks a plate. One of the weirder things I really wanted to eat was this crazy burrito pizza concoction from Shakey’s. It was kind of like one of my weirdo buffet plates already arranged into a compact meal and priced reasonably for my convenience. From Shakey’s website: The California Pizzarito consists of special tomato and refried beans sauce, with a blend of cheeses, spiced ground beef, shredded lettuce, diced fresh tomato, real sour cream, cheddar cheese topped with tortilla chips and real California avocado. Real California avocado! Woohoo! I never got around to eating it when they had it at our Shakey’s and now they don’t make it any more. In fact, I can't even find an image of it anywhere online. I was going to invite a bunch of friends to witness me devouring this foul creation… and then I would hopefully fart or poop or something, because how could that thing not make your ass a complete war zone? But I missed my chance. And so did all of my friends. Dommage.

FUN FACT: Did you know that Shakey’s Pizza is the number one restaurant in the Philippines? USA! USA! USA!


RyGar said...

Please change your font back. This tiny stuff is really hard to read.

kool-aide-mustache said...

A crossword puzzlesque sign above is always a good indication of a quality meal below. Especially when you have no idea what the fuck that sign with the message of the day is supposed to be advertising or bragging about. "The Shakes" is testament of that. Admittedly, I have not eaten at a Shakey's since they served my sister and her boyfriend a healthy portion of emergency room grade food poisoning over fifteen years ago. I'd be down to try that fuckin pizzarito though. Two of my favorite things in this world mashed into one!

Anonymous said...

That pizzarito pizza was AMAZING!! My family used to go there in the 80's when they had a place in Tysons Corner. I wish you could've experienced that goodness. I'm looking online for it, but I guess no one else makes it :(